The more time I spend with God, I learn that it is not of His character to make us feel shame, fear or guilt.
I often talk about the Bible study that changed my walk with Christ, I will share it again here because I genuinely cannot give enough praise to God for inspiring the author to write it. It’s called, “Take Courage,” by Jennifer Rothschild and will surely change your life if you are someone who often suffers from worry, anxiety, and fear.
One thing Ms. Rothschild covers at great length in the Bible study is that fear, guilt, and shame DO NOT come from God.
If you have accepted Jesus in your life as your Lord and Savior, your sins have already been forgiven, so what would the point be in keeping score?
But you know who does keep score and likes to remind you regularly of everything about you that makes you human and sinful? Satan. He works day in and day out to ensure you’re paralyzed by fear, guilt, anxiety, and shame, to prevent you from living out the life God has planned for you.
I say all of this to establish a foundation for what God has been putting on my heart lately.
Over the last couple months, when I am working through any problem or concern, the first thought that pops into my mind is often, “Seek the Kingdom first.” At first I thought it might’ve just been my mind remembering scripture that could be helpful in the moment (which absolutely could be true), but as I have continued to walk this path with the Lord and have spent time getting to know Him, I believe it might be the Holy Spirit whispering a gentle reminder to me.
That reminder set me straight many times, but I still don’t feel like I have fully grasped how to maintain such a level of commitment. Let me explain.
I have a hard enough time staying focused on any interest of mine longer than a couple months, let alone for the rest of my life.
So then I asked for clarity. What does it look like to “Seek first the Kingdom?” In some situations, I think it is easy to follow that command. Other times? It feels a little more complicated.
As we have continued on our debt free journey and gotten “Gazelle Intense” as Dave Ramsey would say, I always start to waiver and question my commitment. I worry that I’m making my priority the money of this world or idolizing the Ramsey plan. There have been so many moments lately where I have gotten so worried about idolizing money and things, that I just wouldn’t even touch or allow myself to spend time on anything related to the debt free journey.
Who do you think was causing my mind to doubt and telling me lies about my purpose for choosing the debt free path? It wasn’t God.
As I continued to pray about this night after night, I started to worry that maybe I was prioritizing this over my faith and relationship with God.
But it doesn’t stop there. I’ve been hard-pressed lately to understand the ministry God has planned for me. I’ve prayed nightly that He would reveal his grand plan to me so I could start living out my life for Him.
Yes. You read that right. As if I couldn’t start living my life for Him RIGHT NOW.
I’ve mentioned my mentor friend a lot lately, and in this area I am certain God delivered her in to my life to set me straight and give me guidance that was based in His truth and wisdom.
She has regularly challenged me to think beyond the boundaries of what my brain perceives is possible. However, she has also given me truth in kindness. After I passionately told her what my hopes and dreams are, she said something like, “Why not start doing that now?”
Because I tend to think in a very black-and-white manner, this sort of made my brain stop dead in its tracks. How could I possibly start doing any of that now while I don’t have any of the things I need to be in that situation?
BECAUSE IT ISN’T ALL OR NOTHING. If I want to be a stay-at-home mom and my passion is spending time with my children learning and growing, what is stopping me from having those moments now?! Nothing. Not a single thing.
I could make excuses all day about why I don’t have time, but the truth is, we prioritize this every weekend. During the week, I forget that we have the opportunity every evening after dinner to do something together as a family. WHY CAN’T I start intentionally building in time with my family if it brings me such joy?
Her question for me was, “How can you intentionally build in time with your family weekly and how often can you do it?” She pointed out that if that was bringing me so much joy, why not try to do more of it.
Now, this whole thing seems obvious, but truly, it was a paradigm shift for me.
But why did I tell you this whole story? Don’t worry, I’m getting there.
This joy I was getting from my family time? Guess who started making me feel insecure about my priorities again? It wasn’t God, if you’re wondering.
I know my priorities, in order, should be God, Family, Work/Vocation, etc. Between our debt free journey and my family-time freedom, I started to worry I had pushed God down a couple notches in that list.
But this is where God stepped in with a powerful reminder. Why am I doing either of those things?
As I began to disect my “why,” it became very clear that this “conviction” I was feeling might not have been from God.
Why are we on a debt free journey? Because it makes everything else possible. We aren’t trying to tie ourselves further to our earthly possessions or things, we are trying to break the chains that we took on as part of the debt we secured. We are trying to unchain ourselves from the earthly possessions that seemed so important to us at the time that we borrowed money to get them, rather than following the biblical wisdom that specifically argues against debt.
Why does my family take a priority for me in this life? Because part of the ministry I feel that God is leading me toward is Motherhood! I have always felt an intense longing for a big family. I want biological children and adopted children, I want to help other people raise their babies, and I want to share and trade parenting advice with other parents. I have always been sure of one thing - I was going to be a mom. God placed that on my heart early in life and the passion behind it has never waivered. So spending time in this area of my life is only an act of worship to the Lord. I am glorifying Him through gratitude and love for the wonderful blessing He’s given me.
So when I asked God for more about the HOW of “Seeking first the Kingdom,” I was met with, “die to this world.” It was actually a little morbid when I realized what had just crossed my mind.
Then as I read this week’s scripture in preparation for our Sunday Service, Paul talked extensively about the Resurrection of Christ and the role it plays in our faith. (1 Corinthians 15)
He didn’t explicitly say to die to our earthly possessions, but he very clearly discussed that our bodies, our things, our legacy here, will all stay when we die and leave this world behind. Our earthly bodies cannot enter heaven or live for eternity with Christ.
I prayed that God would lead me as I wrote this evening and this message definitely went in a different direction than I expected. If you have things in your life that could be an idol or taking precedence over Jesus, I encourage you to take some time and map out your WHY for spending time on it. It could reveal something to you about your journey with Christ!