This weekend, my family got together for our Annual Girls Weekend Trip. The idea that started the trip is essentially, family bonding. All the women on my mom’s side of my family, ages 21 and older, are invited to the Annual Girl’s Weekend trip. If you know my mom’s family, you also know how big of a house we need and how crazy things can get!
Something that is really spectacular about the trip is that in these big houses, we are able to do as we please. The majority of us are mothers, so this is adult time away from work, the kids, and the hustle and bustle, that is often treasured. Some choose to watch movies or read a book, others sit around the pool or lake (depending on location), and others still choose to dance, sing, or play cards. No matter what is happening, there is always smiling, laughter and bonding happening around every corner.
This year, in preparation for my maternity leave, I worked a full week of work. So even when we arrived at the house, I was still working remotely. I found myself feeling isolated in some ways, but in others, I was happy to have a peaceful environment to work in.
But once I logged off for the week today, I noticed myself feeling a little…awkward and antsy. I tried to sit and take an introspective look inside myself, seeking to understand my awkward feeling.
I didn’t want to sit still or walk or swim. I considered watching a movie or reading a book, but quickly decided I didn’t want to “be” anywhere but here. So I planted myself in a rocking chair on the most beautiful deck overlooking the horse fields, and silently started talking to God.
Why to I feel so antsy? I feel so restless but I don’t have to be anywhere, do anything, or serve anyone in this moment but myself. This is the first time in a while that my time has felt like it belonged to me. But why do I feel like I should be doing anything but sit and enjoy?
As I sat in silence, listening intently for God’s reply, the first thought that popped into my head was, “if the Devil can’t make you bad, he’ll make you busy.”
I’m blessed to have been chatting with an incredible woman of Christ lately, who has been mentoring me and already pushing me outside of my comfort zone in many respects. She shared that phrase with me last week and I haven’t been able to get it out of my head since.
What strikes me so hard about it, is the undeniable truth of distraction. God’s plan for us can often take us places we never imagined, introduce us to people we never expected to know, and challenge us in every possible way. Living our lives focused on God’s way, not our own, is difficult! So what does the enemy do when you’re laser focused on God’s will for your life?
He does what he can to distract you from the one thing you’re putting your energy into.
What strikes me most about this train of thought…the ways he distracts you may not be sinful at all.
I’ve worked a little harder on my character lately. God has given me a role model in Proverbs 31, and I try to be more conscious about my areas of growth. I plan to write more on those areas sometime soon, but my point is, I’ve been pretty acutely aware of my sinful actions and nature lately. The things I struggle most with in that regard have been at the forefront of my mind and while I haven’t been perfect (because none of us are) that consciousness has helped me gain a little more control and awareness over my sinful choices.
What I’m getting at: I don’t think I have been particularly “bad” lately.
But I have been busy.
Recently, our family has taken strides to ensure we are more organized. We put up a calendar in our hallway, which is regularly updated, and began meal planning as a part of our debt free journey. If you look at the calendar in our hallway, it is packed full of appointments and events that we are currently involved in. BUSY.
Some of the activities are associated with our church, others are family oriented, but the morality of the events is neutral overall. Nonetheless, we have been so busy, we haven’t been thinking through every activity or opportunity presented to us. Just moving from one activity to the next.
Even my mind has been busy lately. I’ve been constantly thinking about opportunities to make more money to help with our financial journey, things we might need to do before the baby comes, mentally creating to do lists for every area of my life, and even researching every idea that turns into an overthought.
So as I sat on this deck, rocking away in some of the most beautiful scenery and temperatures I’ve experienced in recent Missouri history, I was ashamed to say my mind and body felt the need to be engaged in something.
I feel that God might’ve thrown that reminder my way in an effort to tell me to just be in this moment, in this beautiful day He made. It occurred to me that my restlessness might be more related to my need to sit and be still.
I’ll leave you with this. If you’re like me and have felt this incessant pull to be busy and loud, remember that sometimes, God needs us to be still and quiet.
I love this song that I heard recently on this topic - give it a listen!