Photo of the adult class. It grew this week!

Last week, our church started up Fellowship nights for the year. Every Wednesday we get together, have a quick dinner, and head to our respective classes. There are classes for all ages - even the nursery is open for the babies!

I have had the most wonderful time at each fellowship night so far and I think God is putting it on my heart to share about it with you.

But first, I want to step back for a moment. Approximately two years ago, I was not quite as hyped on activities at church as I am now.

Around that time, my husband had accepted his call to ministry and I naively thought that it was just going to be another job, not particularly impacting me. WRONG. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

It didn’t take me long to realize that ministry was demanding and didn’t often follow a regular 9-5 schedule…at all.

As a new parent, this realization struck hard with stress, anxiety, resentment, and definitely a lot of self-pity. I remember saying, “I don’t understand how it can be God’s will that he is off spending all his time raising other children when his own child is at home without him.”

While the thought wasn’t entirely wrong, it was shortsighted and assumed I had no role in that problem.

I remember stressing about the expectations that presumably come with being a pastor’s wife, the selflessness that might be expected of me… the inconvenience. Thinking back to my mentality at that time, I’m almost embarrassed.

In the spirit of giving myself a little grace, I was working a very VERY stressful job at the time. In fact, the job I had came with a very tough environment that ALWAYS left me mentally, emotionally and physically drained by the time I picked up my child - soon to be children. Of course I was throwing myself a pity-party! I was constantly pouring from an empty cup and relying on my husband to pick up my slack at the end of every day. So on the nights that he was gone, I felt loads of resentment toward him for leaving me to manage the chaos alone.

I remember a time when Church held fellowship nights - but I don’t think it was as in depth and extensive as it is now. I don’t recall there being a children’s class or nursery available. If I’m being honest, I doubt I’d have used it if there was.

Coming from a Catholic background, or at least the parish I came from, there really isn’t an option for children other than sticking it out through church. I remember when my sister was a toddler at church. My mom would stock a bag full of the essentials, tons of snacks, books, and even some quiet toys to try to keep her occupied, but most of all, quiet. As she grew, obviously the expectation was for her to begin to participate in the mass.

So when I started attending our church, even after I realized there were options for babies and kids other than sitting through church, I didn’t allow my children to participate. The mentality I brought with me from my previous church was something like, “If they get to play and have fun outside of the sanctuary all the way up until they are ‘old enough’ to sit through service, the transition will be nearly impossible because church isn’t fun.”

HA! Church can totally be fun, but I digress, past Ashton had some work to do to learn that.

I remember sitting at home on Wednesday nights, watching the clock and just counting down the minutes until my husband came home. I had tried to bring my kids to the Wednesday night fellowship and classes, and mostly just ended up even more exhausted and leaving shortly after dinner. I felt that if I was only going to be there chasing my children around, I would rather stay home and chase them, because at least then I had systems in place and could ask my mom for help. This became my excuse for attending so little.

Occasionally, I would ask my mom to take care of the kids on some Wednesdays, just so I could feel that I was meeting the expectations that literally no one expressed to me in being a Pastor’s Wife. I didn’t do this often, as I didn’t want to burn my mom out and ultimately, felt like it was my responsibility to raise my kids.

Reflecting on all of this makes me very proud of the growth I’ve had in the last couple years. I know I have more growth to experience before this life is over, but I’m so glad the Lord pulled me back into this relationship with Him.

After a series of unfortunate events, I had no choice but to rely on the services that the church offered. As a worship leader at our church, there were many Sundays that my kids needed a place to go while we were in band practice. Sunday School. Then, as my son got into his full on toddler years, there seemed to be nothing to keep him satisfied during church. We sit in the very front, so it is no secret to the congregation when I had to bring him out to try to settle him down or needed a break myself.

It was also easier with just one child. But once we added my daughter, with her own wants, needs, and expectations of entertainment during service, it was a whole new ballgame. So we started using the nursery.

Not long after that, our church made an incredible decision to hire a Children’s Program Director. SHE IS AMAZING. My kids love her so much, which made it even easier to start sending them regularly to the nursery or Sunday School. Around this same time, our church also started a program for preschool age kids during service. It is a perfect environment for them to begin learning about God and Jesus at an age appropriate level.

After a little coaxing, my son became a regular attendee of Wee Worship and now looks forward to it every Sunday.

All of this to say, it truly takes a village to raise children. Without these church programs, I would probably still be sulking at home and pouring from an empty cup.

The adult bible study class has been absolutely lovely and exciting. It was full of great conversation, scripture, and just time spent with God. If you’re in the area, come out and join us on Wednesdays! If you aren’t in the area, I encourage you to check into your church or FIND a church and see what activities they have to offer. Because finding fellowship with other Christ-minded individuals was inspiring and fulfilling. And if you’re in a situation like I mentioned above where maybe you feel trapped or that isn’t bringing you joy, I offer you a couple pieces of advice.

1. Recognize your part in your misery. When I was in that situation, I was blissfully ignorant about my role in my disappointment and resentment. I regularly avoided opportunities for my children to experience the children’s programs at our church because I stubbornly felt it was MY job to raise them. Are you holding yourself back? Are you sitting in your “own mess” (so-to-speak) and don’t know where to start to get out of it? The first step is seeking God. He’ll show you where to go from there. Not to mention, your children, like mine, benefit from learning from other people, and will grow even stronger in their faith because of the testimonies of others and the passion they pour into your children.

2. Analyze your situation and identify the root cause of your emotions. Using my example from above, was it the fact that my husband was working late on Wednesdays and spending his time with other children that bothered me? Or was it the fact that I was out of my metaphorical spoons long before my workday was complete? The problem was my job, not my husband spending time in God’s presence. I’m so glad he patiently endured that season with me.

3. Pray and ask God for guidance. God just might be using that time of miserableness to lead you in the direction He needs you to move in. With a little prayer, you might start the conversation with God that reveals His wonderful plan for you.

I’m here for you if you ever need to talk, but if it’s fellowship you’re looking for? Tap into your local resources and let God lead you to your next big adventure.

I’m excited to share this fall I’ll be helping teach an adult class for Fellowship Night! If you have questions, please reach out! I’m excited to help others with their finances and build a support system for myself and others for getting out of debt! You can sign up for the class here.