In the last few years, I’ve worked pretty hard to change the way I think about things. My default always used to be positivity, but in the most recent decade of my life, I began to lean toward the negative…in a big way.

This negative thought cycle bled into every area of my life and it still does sometimes!

But in the process, every time I would get sick, or my family would get sick, it felt almost insurmountable.

Fear flooded every crack in my armor, leaving anxiety in its wake.

I began to worry about every scary scenario that could happen when illness came. Not to mention, I beat myself up about the inconvenience I was causing to anyone who was relying on me.

When the pandemic hit, it only made this negativity and fear soar higher and consume me.

I never identified as a hypochondriac - in fact, there is a whole faction of individuals out there who personally bore witness to me eating an entire can of Pringles that had fallen out of the car and spilled all over the Walmart parking lot.

But when I think about my greatest fears in this life, 75% of them revolve around my health, the health of my family, and the mortality that comes with bad health.

That being said, COVID-19 changed the way I viewed germs. I carried masks and hand sanitizer with me everywhere and became a regular user of the cart wipes at any grocery store. My sleeves became the only way I would open doors in public spaces, and when I heard someone around me so much as sniff their nose or clear their throat I was immediately on edge.

Coming out of lockdown, like most humans, I felt relief. But the now inset fear I had of every surface and every germ wasn’t going away.

Now, over a year later, I still find myself having tendencies of anxiety around COVID or any other illness in my home.

In my effort to change my mentality on this in my house, I turned back to gratitude.

I know I talk about gratitude often, but truly, it is at the opposition of fear and anxiety. It is sure hard to fear when you’re focused on the the blessings you’re living in.

So this week, when my throat started to get scratchy and my kids started coughing, rather than immediately panic and settle into fear, my first reaction was to thank God that it seems to be mild. Praise Him for the help I had from family and friends while I was sick (before the rest of my family got it too). The whole list goes on and on, but includes gratitude for at home COVID-19 test kits, knowing the symptoms of the other people at daycare who got sick, the ability to work remotely, and a husband who is so loving and patient to wrangle the kids.

I’ve begun to view times of illness and quarantine as God’s gentle way of grounding me and reminding me to slow down. It always seems like we get sick during the busiest times of the year for us - of course, that means we are in contact with more people and germs, so logically, it makes sense.

But I do think it can be a blessing in disguise. Right now, all we are able to do is spend time together, stay home, work remotely, relax and rest. While I would love to do all of those things in perfect health, it’s not always easy to remember to do them! Often with good health, comes busy calendars!

My challenge to you is to begin to trust God’s plan and try to reset your default to gratitude or positivity. Sometimes things like COVID-19 are going to ruin your plans…but that doesn’t mean you have to have a miserable mindset throughout the whole experience.

I praise God for this new way of flipping the script on life that I’m learning!